Party date changed to August 9th

Everyone seems to be busy this Saturday night. At least several of you. Plus, I wasn't able to line up the dancing smooth boys until next week. And the jello wrestlers aren't ready. Etcetera. Let's reschedule. But I will still tell you my idea:

Instead of sitting around pretending we are in a real pub, I got the idea that we should actually have a real party and drink (those of you who drink) for real. That is to say, every time you make a comment about ordering a drink at the pub, you have to REALLY take a drink at that time. Of course you will have to BYOB, because I can't pass you a drink through your computer. But at least you will be drinking what you prefer to drink. And we will also play our preferred music in the background, and I will try to make comments which make the wrestling and stripping and lap dances seem realistic.

And we will do this for a few hours until we get wasted, and then we will get together the next day and read our comments as they become stupider and stupider as the night progresses.

So that's what I meant by having a party at the pub. Only no VIRTUAL drinking this time - the real thing. I already know how Claire acts when she is sloshed (a pretty clear-headed drunk, actually) but I need to find out about Catherine, and others, so I can blackmail you later. Petra, obviously is high on my list. The non drinkers can egg us on and still participate in the entertainment. I will be especially vulnerable because I seldom drink lately, and that means I will begin to be stupid(er) after only a couple of drinks. But I won't pass out after two drinks like Canucklehead does. (We will have to make Canucklehead ration his drinks and drink beer only by the shot glass, otherwise he will go silent on us very quickly. His brain is very susceptible to outside influences - that's probably why Debbie has him under her spell.)

I will let you know when the wrestlers are ready. They are already trying to chicken out, I think. So abuse and ridicule from me may be required in that department. Catherine, by the way, will be in charge of drinking games. You will have to do what she says.

Below is a picture of Canucklehead at our last party when we first opened the pub. Mind you, this was after only two beers. (I lie - he had actually had about 27 beers or something like that.) But that reminds me: we want you to encourage your spouse/partner/friend to take pictures of you as the night progresses, so we can put them up here at the pub and humiliate you as much as possible. I especially want closeups of your blank staring eyes. I already have such a picture of Claire (but I am not obsessed with Claire, btw) which is shown at the very bottom of this post, just to show her new friends what she is really like when she is not playing with her Willy and acting all proper.

Pain is good for you. It makes you stronger. How does that go again? "That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger." Frederick Nieche. I don't know. Soubriquet or Descartes would know. That's close enough. Later.

Below is that picture of Claire standing on another planet, that I promised you. I Photoshopped out the drool running down her chin, just for the purposes of decorum. Catherine is also in charge of our pub decorum standards, I have also decided.

Note the fixated pupils, like a deer caught in a spotlight by a hunter.

Happy Birthday to the best Miss Coppertone ever!

*Everybody in the pub singing now*

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you.

Happy biiiirrrthday dear Debbbbbeeeee!

Happy birthday to you!

(And many mooooooooore!)

Keep your shiny side up when you are out in the Florida sun. And keep your pants pulled up. :)

Just in case anybody gets the wrong idea, "Keep your pants pulled up" refers to a very famous Coppertone Ad:

Max's Results -AND HIS FINAL GUESS - AND HIS FINAL RESULTS

AT THE VERY BOTTOM ARE MY FINAL ANSWERS FOR TODAY.

Along with Max's final results.

------------------------

So below are Max's responses, and - whether they were right or not...

1. I played Lady Diana Spencer in a school pageant to mark the wedding of Charles & Di. - Catherine - Correct
2. This female was so shy as a child, she would burst into tears every time a teacher asked her to answer a question in front of the class. - Debbie - Correct
3. My nickname in highschool was "take a toke Toker" - Petra - Correct
4. I took Scottish highland dancing for 3 lessons, until it became clear you couldn't get the awesome little strappy dancing shoes right away, so I quit that shit. I was 6. - Grumpus - Correct
5. As a child I always thought it would be wonderful to have dimples in my cheeks. - Catherine - Wrong
6. I spent the first 18 years of my life living in the same small town. - Caroline - Correct
7. Tequila makes me run around my yard naked - Petra - Correct
8. I would trade the rest of my life to be a sparrow for. just. one. DAY!!!!! - Grumpus - Correct
9. I have a freckle on one big toe. - Chica - Correct
10. I bite my toenails and occasionally chew them. - Claire - Correct
11. I cry every time I watch Last of the Mohicans. - Claire - Correct
12. I can hold my breath under water for 2 minutes. I practice in the bathtub and in the summer, at the beach. You have to do this where there are no lifeguards though. They don't like it! - Caroline - Wrong
13. I cannot ride a bicycle. - Catherine - Wrong
14. Pink was my favorite color as a child. Everything had to be pink. I must have overdone things because I hate it now. - Sheila - Correct
15. Tulips are my favorite flower - A. - Wrong

Bonus: Peanut butter = Ettarose

Well - you got 11/15 Max, plus the bonus question- not bad, although I am thinking you had some help - but that's ok. So, I guess that means 4 guest posts for you to write... unless you can match the last 4 to the correct person. To make it easy, here are the 4 you still need to get:

5. As a child I always thought it would be wonderful to have dimples in my cheeks.

12. I can hold my breath under water for 2 minutes. I practice in the bathtub and in the summer, at the beach. You have to do this where there are no lifeguards though. They don't like it!

13.I cannot ride a bicycle

15.Tulips are my favorite flower

Good luck :)

---------

Later.... (and even later the results)

Here are my final thoughts. I don't think I can do any better. You are not even playing by your own rules, so have your fun while you can. (Of course I would be lying if I didn't admit that I have loved the attention you have given me. :)

5. As a child I always thought it would be wonderful to have dimples in my cheeks. - A. - Correct
12. I can hold my breath under water for 2 minutes. I practice in the bathtub and in the summer, at the beach. You have to do this where there are no lifeguards though. They don't like it! - Grumpus - Correct (although you are lucky I didn't see this sooner, otherwise it would have been wrong...)
13. I cannot ride a bicycle very well at all - I keep running into things. I can only ride really small bicycles. And even then you had better stay out of my way. - Caroline - even with you modifying the answer, this is wrong...
15. Tulips are my favorite flower - Caroline - correct

I think I am getting the hang of how this works now. All you have to do is change the rules :)

Well you got only 1 wrong - I am very impressed - honestly (even if you did get some help). So you need to get busy writing that guest post for Miss Claire, who is the one who can't ride a bicycle. It seems even though you took advantage of her while she was inebriated she didn't give everything away.

Second Guess

1. I played Lady Diana Spencer in a school pageant to mark the wedding of Charles & Di. - Catherine
2. This female was so shy as a child, she would burst into tears every time a teacher asked her to answer a question in front of the class. - Debbie
3. My nickname in highschool was "take a toke Toker" - Petra

4. I took Scottish highland dancing for 3 lessons, until it became clear you couldn't get the awesome little strappy dancing shoes right away, so I quit that shit. I was 6. - Grumpus
5. As a child I always thought it would be wonderful to have dimples in my cheeks. - Catherine
6. I spent the first 18 years of my life living in the same small town. - Caroline
7. Tequila makes me run around my yard naked - Petra
8. I would trade the rest of my life to be a sparrow for. just. one. DAY!!!!! - Grumpus
9. I have a freckle on one big toe. - Chica
10. I bite my toenails and occasionally chew them. - Claire
11. I cry every time I watch Last of the Mohicans. - Claire
12. I can hold my breath under water for 2 minutes. I practice in the bathtub and in the summer, at the beach. You have to do this where there are no lifeguards though. They don't like it! - Caroline
13. I cannot ride a bicycle. - Catherine
14. Pink was my favorite color as a child. Everything had to be pink. I must have overdone things because I hate it now. - Sheila
15. Tulips are my favorite flower - A.

Bonus: Peanut butter = Ettarose

Screw it. Max is back.

There are many ways to skin a cat. The important thing to remember is that you end up with a worthless pelt and a dead cat, no matter how it's done. —Mark Twain

Fingers aren't meant to bend sideways. Watch your ass. —Rev. Qelqoth, Slap & Tickle chaplain and bouncer.



Meet the new Slap & Tickle assistant bouncer. Her name is Commander Amanda. She will be under Rev. Qelqoth for the time being. Be rude to Caroline or make Caroline sad, and Amanda will rip your cojones off and serve them as a side with your fish and chips. Ask her where the smooth boy bartender pretenders are right now, and whether or not they've stopped crying yet. You have nothing to fear if you are a lady. The Commander really, really LIKES ladies.

Ok, obviously Caroline is still passed out from her drinking contest. Anyone else care to make a decision? (based on the post below this one.)

I played Lady Diana Spencer in a school pageant to mark the wedding of Charles & Di. [Too general - could be anyone who was in school since 1981. And I can't use your current personalities as clues, because the pageant may have been involuntary - somebody made you do it.]
This female was so shy as a child, she would burst into tears every time a teacher asked her to answer a question in front of the class. [Requires an outright guess, because you might not be shy at all now. Unfair.]
My nickname in highschool was "take a toke Toker". [Requires that I know your maiden name. Unreasonable.]
I took Scottish highland dancing for 3 lessons, until it became clear you couldn't get the awesome little strappy dancing shoes right away, so I quit that shit. I was 6. [Good clue. Gotta be Grumpus. Who else talks and writes like that? Give me one.]

As a child I always thought it would be wonderful to have dimples in my cheeks. [Wouldn't necessarily have to be Debbie. Could be Canucklehead. Too common.]
I spent the first 18 years of my life living in the same small town. [C'mon. We ALL made our escape after high school. The whole WORLD does.]
Tequila makes me run around my yard naked. [Ok. Good clue. The Georgia Zombie lady. Give me two.]
I would trade the rest of my life to be a sparrow for. just. one. DAY!!!!! ["Just. One. Day." Gotta be Grumpus again. Give me three. Or take one of these out.]
I have a freckle on one big toe. [Doesn't necessarily HAVE to be a redhead. But since most of you are, this is unfair. A freckle on your toe doesn't come across during everyday blogging. Unfair.]
I bite my toenails and occasionally chew them. [See? Now you have me deciding who might be flexible enough to do this. This is not a blogging clue.]
I cry every time I watch Last of the Mohicans. [Has to be an American because I don't think Grumpus would EVER cry. Over. That. Shit. and all the Brits are going, "Last of the Whaaat?" So that leaves me with Americans who are likely to cry in the movies. And also someone who has watched that stupid movie more than once. (I have met Russell Means, btw. The prick lives on the rez near me. Don't cry for him.) Petra watches movies all the time. And her harsh exterior is only a device to hide her mushy interior. She could cry at a movie. Bet she does, too. I say Petra. Acceptable clue. Gimme four.]
I can hold my breath under water for 2 minutes. I practice in the bathtub and in the summer, at the beach. You have to do this where there are no lifeguards though. They don't like it! [Although one is tempted to say Claire (and be also tempted to hold her head under until she could say "five minutes"), it is not conclusive enough to be a blogging clue. But Brits are pretty big on baths because their showers don't work worth a damn. I will think about this one. It may be fair.]
I cannot ride a bicycle. [Not likely to be an American or Canadian. But still too general. Unfair.]
Pink was my favorite color as a child. Everything had to be pink. I must have overdone things because I hate it now. [Obviously Canucklehead again.]
Tulips are my favorite flower. [And again.]

More help, please

I haven't given up. I have been trying to reason it out. But the thing is - and you all know this - you are cheating. Because some of your "clues" aren't clues at all, with regard to your personality traits, which is all I have to go on.

Some are real clues (though not especially helpful) but some are not. For example, liking Tulips or the color pink is hardly helpful because those things don't come across in your online persona. They require a flat-out guess, and that isn't supposed to happen in a real test. *he pouts*

Wanting dimples is SORT of a clue, but not really specific enough. PLUS you shouldn't be allowed multiple clues: it should be a straight-out mix and match where I can draw lines from the name to the clue.

Take a vote. If you REALLY want to see what I have picked up on you, just from your talk online, then give me clues that I should have picked up on from your attitude and manner of speaking and things you have said in past comments.

Anything else is unfair.

Specifically, I ask that you reduce the clues to only nine, either by submitting a more fair clue about yourself, or at least by discarding 6 clues from the existing list which are obviously too general to guess from.

[Here is an exmple of a clue I think would be fair: "This Georgia redhead always read zombie comic books as a child."]

Ok. Perhaps that is a LITTLE too much in my favor, but at least give me a break?

What do you say?

Newport, Rhode Island

I know you don't want to be bored by a bunch of vacation pictures, but I will post a few. I will limit this post to the harbor and shoreline of Newport, Rhode Island.

Newport is a sailing/fishing/resort city a few miles south of Providence. They are big on sailing and old money. Their many yacht clubs have had numerous America's Cup winners. Some of these famous vessels still use Newport as their home port.

Another aspect of Newport besides the fun wharves and great seafood eating and colorful sailing vessels and spectacular yachts tied up there, are the old mansions overlooking the harbor. These were built as "summer homes" by the robber barons of the "Gilded Age", and are still kept up for the tourist trade. They are huge and were hugely expensive. They probably could not be built today.

Today, I will limit my pictures to the harbor and some sailing boats and yachts. Obviously, for some of the pics, I was on a boat, so the quality is not always the greatest as I stood on the upper deck of a pitching boat. But they will give you an idea of what Newport harbor looks like.

Several of the Americas Cup winners were anchored in the harbor, and I tried to get pictures of a few of these famous boats. Most notably, the "Courageous" was there, and I got a few pics of it close up, way out in the middle of the harbor. "Courageous" won the America's Cup twice: in 1974 and 1977 (the third yacht to win the Cup twice), with the Famous media mogul Ted Turner Captaining.

Below: A view standing on the dock.

Some of them are pretty large:

Lobster fisherman bring their boats right up to this building and sell their catch there. Inside, there are large holding bins with hundreds of lobsters crawling around. Sales are both retail and wholesale: you can go there and purchase your own lobsters to cook, and, of course, the local restaurants buy there. There are restaurants right behind me that serve the freshest lobster you have ever eaten. Highly recommend (by me) to eat right on the wharf like that. Goooood!

Below: a view of the harbor from a boat.

The "Courageous".

Below: another view of the harbor, taken from out in the harbor.

Below: a good-sized boat catches the wind and sails  by us.

Children learning to sail. They were very young and, frankly, not paying much attention to their instructor who was towing them.

My choices

1. Catherine
2. A.
3. Petra
4. Grumpus
5. Debbie
6. Caroline
7. Petra
8. Grumpus
9. Claire
10. Chica
11. Debbie
12. Chica
13. Sheila
14. Catherine
15. Claire

Back. I think.

I don't recognize the place. I suppose that is a good sign, since Caroline is much more creative than I. But could someone please tell me what has been going on? You have more pictures of men on this blog than my good friend Mo has. I don't mind, if that is what you like. Ummmm...shall I move on now, or is there something I should be doing here?

Don't make me read all this stuff, ok? Just give me the short version...

Anyone care to be a spokesperson? (I assume Caroline is in hiding, so I can't ask her.)

Claire would know. But she would lie.

Chica wouldn't lie, but she wouldn't know, either.

Petra? Pft.

A.? Fat chance.

Debbie? Probably out kayaking.

Catherine? Maybe. A few Gins and Tonics on the house. More than a few, probably.

Ettarose? Yes! Ettarose will crumble like a wet cookie.

I just noticed something. There are no men involved in this blog.

Well, Redbeard passes through. So does Descartes. But they are both new and haven't been beaten down by the ladies yet.

Wait a minute - Canucklehead. Right. What am I thinking. I'd be better off trying to wake up Qelqoth during the daytime.

Maybe I will just leave it to Caroline. Why change anything?

Right.

'Bye.

Thanks Folks

I just want to say thanks to:
A.
Claire
Debbie
Sheila

Grumpus
Chica

Petra
Catherine
and myself of course,

for submitting some mystery facts... its not too late to submit some yourself you know.

You can send them either to Mysterious Facts or if you prefer you may send me a message at entrecard. You can send in more than one fact by the way :)

Here's the facts...

In case you didn't see the previous post Mysterious Facts about the Women Max Admires we are gathering facts about Max's favourite ladies. Upon his return he needs to match fact to person. Below are the facts I've received so far... its not looking so good at only 3, so please send them in - you can send them either to Mysterious Facts or if you prefer you may send me a message at entrecard.

1. I played Lady Diana Spencer in a school pageant to mark the wedding of Charles & Di.
2. This female was so shy as a child, she would burst into tears every time a teacher asked her to answer a question in front of the class.
3. My nickname in highschool was "take a toke Toker"
4. I took Scottish highland dancing for 3 lessons, until it became clear you couldn't get the awesome little strappy dancing shoes right away, so I quit that shit. I was 6.
5. As a child I always thought it would be wonderful to have dimples in my cheeks.
6. I spent the first 18 years of my life living in the same small town.
7. Tequila makes me run around my yard naked
8. I would trade the rest of my life to be a sparrow for. just. one. DAY!!!!!
9. I have a freckle on one big toe.
10. I bite my toenails and occasionally chew them.
11. I cry every time I watch Last of the Mohicans.
12. I can hold my breath under water for 2 minutes. I practice in the bathtub and in the summer, at the beach. You have to do this where there are no lifeguards though. They don't like it!
13. I cannot ride a bicycle.
14. Pink was my favorite color as a child. Everything had to be pink. I must have overdone things because I hate it now.
15. Tulips are my favorite flower

Let the interviews commence

So, Mike has been kept pretty busy this weekend, so its time to hire another barman. I have managed to shortlist it to Dave and Andy. So hope you have some good questions ready, its interview time.

Dave

Andy

(I am not sure what Andy is looking for)

New Barman

With Max being away this week, we needed a little extra help behind the bar, after many gruelling interviews, I finally found Mike. I thought he would brighten the place up a bit. He's never worked as a barman before, although he does have plenty of experience in the entertainment industry - he has lead me to believe that he's a great dancer, I have yet to see it with my own eyes though.

Well, grab a seat and the bar, and get to know Mike better - he's single by the way...

Oh, and don't forget to tip him.

Mysterious Facts About The Women Max Admires

So after some discussion about what to do when Max is gone I think we are close to having a plan.

Send a mystery fact or two about yourself to mysteriousfacts along with a link to your blog.

They will then be posted here, and I will keep a record offline of which fact belongs to whom which will be posted after he's answered.

Upon Max's return he needs to figure out which fact relates to which person.
For each one he gets wrong he forfeits... forfeits what... we don't yet know... but I welcome all suggestions, so post away below.

Suggestions Welcome

"So what would make maxie dearest the most crazy to find here without really doing harm? I am thinking a list from all of his lady admirers of what he can do to make them happy. The list can be complete at 180 items (that is a number I use in my Love Potion Number 9 class to manifest new love). He will have to complete all 180 or we will bring out the big guns, (guns to be determined).What say ye? just brainstorming here...." Debbie


I like Debbie's suggestion, but what other ideas do people have?

While the cats away, the mice will play.

Well, while Max is away on vacation, he has foolishly left me in charge...
so me thinks its time for a little fun.

Personally, I am in need of some fun at the moment, as the guy I was in love with, and have been dating for the past 10 months, has decided he doesn't love me and that its over between us. Part of me would love to get angry at him, but its not going to solve anything, and he can't change the way he does, or in this case doesn't feel.

So - What I am going to do, is get on with living my life, and having fun.

I used to work in a real bar when I was at University, it was such a dive, but it was fun for a while, I got great tips - of the money type, not as in "Never eat yellow snow", or "Always where a seat belt in the car". There was only a few people who'd drink there, and they were all elderly men who were trying to hide from their wives. They'd arrive when the pub opened at 11, and would still be there at closing time. Its really not easy trying to get a bunch of drunken old men out a bar, especially when they are trying to avoid their wives.

So, what trouble can we get into while Max is away? Suggestions are welcome!

Max is outta here

Vacation.

Newport/Cape Cod/Boston

Back the 24th

I will miss droppng cards.

You're in charge, Caroline. Drink heavily and make a post. Or throw a party. Or something.

See ya.

It's a new Canucklehead!

Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln McCardle on the birth of their new baby boy.

Lucas Alexander came into the world at 9:30AM on July 11th, 2008. He weighed in at 7lbs - 14oz and is 17 inches tall. Mother and baby are both happy and healthy.

http://www.canucklehead.ca/blog/

Designing your own social network

You've been around. You've seen a lot of them. You've joined a few (several?) yourself.

The so-called Social Networks.

Facebook, MySpace, Blog Catalog. Even Digg and Stumble are sort of in this category. Lately, of course, there is Entrecard.

You like a lot of things about these networks. They are helpful to bloggers. You blog because you have something to say and you want to share what you have to say. But you also blog because you enjoy OTHER blogs - you like to travel around and read other people's stuff, make new friends, interact. You also like to interact, sometimes, with memes, groups, and contests. These things are what makes cruising the internet fun.

What we do NOT like, many of us, is being told how to spend our precious fun-time on the computer. We don't like being compelled, for example, to drop cards on many, many blogs every day of our lives. Also, we don't like to be treated like fresh meat for the huge spammers like Yahoo and Microsoft and so many more. This is why MySpace has failed and it is also the direction that Face Book is headed.

What to do?

Put yourself in charge. Learn from the mistakes of others who have started Social Networks. In the previous post, I asked you what you liked and disliked about Entrecard. I wasn't surprised to learn those things were the exact same as my own likes and dislikes. And we talked in the comments a little bit about Blog Catalog. But there is a pattern we all can see.

Please briefly describe in a comment (or not so briefly, I don't care), what the main points you would include in your own Social Network, if you were starting a new one up today. What are people REALLY looking for? Why do they want to join in the first place? What would you have to offer in order for it to be fun? I am going to make a comment myself to list the things I personally would want. At the top of the list, I think, will be "Meeting new interesting people and keeping in touch with my friends."

But there would be more, wouldn't there? Much more. Help me produce a prototype. I'm serious here. I hope I can hear again from Claire and Chica and EttaRose and a., and you others who have been around the blogosphere a lot, and you know what you like, and you know what turns you off. Please consider giving input on what the design of a really good social network would look like.

Entrecard

What do you like best about EC? What attracted you to it in the first place? What do you NOT like about it?

There have been several posts about EC on various blogs, pro and con, over the past few weeks. I thought I would see how many people think the same way I do.

First of all, EC was envisioned as a way to advertise. Everyone is always interested in increasing traffic to their blog. I think most of us realized early on that EC was not really that great of a place to advertise, and we quickly saw that, rather than advertising, EC was becoming a great social networking tool.

So, if I were to choose the number one reason I am glad I joined Entrecard, it would be because of the new friends I have met because of it. It has helped me find many blogs I would not have known about otherwise, and to become friendly with many of those bloggers. From what I have read on other blogs, this is many people's top reason for liking Entrecard.

The biggest thing I do NOT like about EC? Dropping cards. Which is weird, because I absolutely LOVE visiting new blogs, and visiting the blogs of my friends to see their new posts. But I am the kind of person who likes to take his time and look over each blog, including the ones I visit every day. The pressure of needing to drop many cards doesn't let you spend much time on any one blog. So what I usually do is drop on my "drop list" and then go back and visit the blogs on my "friends list". I may not be alone here. Some of you might also dislike dropping cards - at least the pressure of dropping many cards.

There are other reasons many people like or dislike Entrecard. For example the forums are enjoyed by many.

But the bottom line is that I like EC because of being able to meet new bloggers, and making new friends; and I dislike EC because of the pressure of dropping many cards fast. And, I guess, the fact that you pretty much have to do it over and over every single day.

Are these also YOUR main reasons for liking or disliking Entrecard? Please comment to tell if these are also your own reasons, and also to add other likes and dislikes, or to point out other features of Entrecard that you like or dislike. Thank you.

Happy Birthday Petra!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PETRA!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PETRA!!!!

Whopper Willies

Here's something you may not have thought there would be much of a call for: Gigantic ceramic willies.

Pictured: Ceramist Francisco Figueiredo opens a casting mould of a phallus in his workshop in Chao de Parada, central Portugal June 26, 2008. Husband and wife Francisco and Cassilda Figueiredo are among the last exponents of a traditional Portuguese handicraft -- making ornamental ceramic penises. For more than three decades, the couple have carefully shaped thousands of ceramic male organs, moulding them into upright shapes and painting them in life-like colours for export to Germany, France and North America.

"Mr. Figueriedo, what, exactly, do you do for a living?"

"I make-a the deeks."

"The deeks?"

"Thats-a right, here we make-a the beeg deeks."

"And Mrs. Figueriedo? Do you help your husband?"

"Thats-a right. I help-a Frankie make-a all the beeg deeks."

"Is the competition particularly stiff?"

"Steef? HaHa You make-a joke! Steef competition! No. No steef. Nobody else make-a the beeg ceramic deeks. Just-a Frankie and-a Cassie here."

"Thank you."

"Your-a welcome. By the way, we are-a Portuguese. Why-a you have us talk-a like Italiano?"

"Now don't get cocky, you little peckerhead."

--------

Historical trivia: Lord Likely was reported to have purchased three of the ceramic willies from Frankie's great-grandfather, for display at his london estate.

Happy Birthday America!