Saturday, July 26, 2008
Screw it. Max is back.
There are many ways to skin a cat. The important thing to remember is that you end up with a worthless pelt and a dead cat, no matter how it's done. —Mark Twain
Fingers aren't meant to bend sideways. Watch your ass. —Rev. Qelqoth, Slap & Tickle chaplain and bouncer.
Meet the new Slap & Tickle assistant bouncer. Her name is Commander Amanda. She will be under Rev. Qelqoth for the time being. Be rude to Caroline or make Caroline sad, and Amanda will rip your cojones off and serve them as a side with your fish and chips. Ask her where the smooth boy bartender pretenders are right now, and whether or not they've stopped crying yet. You have nothing to fear if you are a lady. The Commander really, really LIKES ladies.
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Guinness is the best, there is none higher. Guinness is good for you too... I could list all the health benefits, physical and mental, but they are too many to list here...ReplyDelete
Thank you Amanda for helping protect the place, and adding to the scenery too...
Amanda is on my 'list' so she is most welcome :)ReplyDelete
this post made no sense to me other then I'd love to get on Amanda's good side..ReplyDelete
Jesus, Chica. If you only knew how often I could use that same line as a comment on your own blogs. Except for the Amanda part. I don't think I have truly understood more than 2 or 3 of your posts in all of my daily reading of your blogs. But I always come back day after day because you say your nonsense so fetchingly. I love it. I do. I just don't understand it. But I still make respectful comments, right? So you get back over here and try again. If you know what's good for you.ReplyDelete
And, for you information, there was no point to the post other than having Amanda throw out the new boy bartenders, and telling people to start sucking down Guinness by the gallon while reading Mark Twain and fearing our head bouncer. So.
I wish you drank. Because next Saturday night I am throwing a big party at the pub for all my regulars. And we are all going to try and drink ourselves into a stupor. Not a virtual stupor, either. A real one. I will explain how this is going to happen later. So you need to start drinking before next Saturday. Also, there will be a bikini jello/jelly wrestling match between the demure Petra and the vicious Claire. More about that later. And you WILL have an important part, so you might as well start drinking. If not, all the free soft drinks you care to have will be there for you.
Aren't you glad Max is back? Between rounds of the jello fight (which Lord Likely will referee although he doesn't know it yet) there will be doses of my personal vengence on certain people who ran amok at the pub in my absence. Most notably, the seemingly innocent Caroline will be getting hers.
oh Caroline, I have your back!ReplyDelete
Erm, Max, I am confused.. you told me to take care of the pub while you were gone... that's what I did. It is still standing afterall.ReplyDelete
Any chance we can have at least one of the hunks back? It's nothing against Amanda, I am just hoping she can protect me against your vengence attack!
Caroline, I am not going to hurt you. You don't need protection. I am only going to humiliate you. A little. As you did me with your boys. Not much, though. I promise. And you did a good job while a was gone - overall. But you need to be disciplined for thinking it was ok to bring SmoothBoys into the pub. You see. But you may even enjoy it. After all, knowing me, it will involve some sort of alcoholic beverages... :)ReplyDelete
And Caroline? I can't let your sad little "hunks" back into the pub permanently, but I will let you in on a secret: One of the changes I am making to the pub is to give the pole dancers Thursday nights off, and replace them with boy strippers. Thursday nights will become hen parties. No guys allowed. Amanda will provide security. (And perhaps a little supplemental amusement for you as you interact with the strippers. Of course, I will have no idea what is going on at those Thursday night parties, but an occasional descriptive post from you the next day would be welcome. Probably.ReplyDelete