Instead of sitting around pretending we are in a real pub, I got the idea that we should actually have a real party and drink (those of you who drink) for real. That is to say, every time you make a comment about ordering a drink at the pub, you have to REALLY take a drink at that time. Of course you will have to BYOB, because I can't pass you a drink through your computer. But at least you will be drinking what you prefer to drink. And we will also play our preferred music in the background, and I will try to make comments which make the wrestling and stripping and lap dances seem realistic.
And we will do this for a few hours until we get wasted, and then we will get together the next day and read our comments as they become stupider and stupider as the night progresses.
So that's what I meant by having a party at the pub. Only no VIRTUAL drinking this time - the real thing. I already know how Claire acts when she is sloshed (a pretty clear-headed drunk, actually) but I need to find out about Catherine, and others, so I can blackmail you later. Petra, obviously is high on my list. The non drinkers can egg us on and still participate in the entertainment. I will be especially vulnerable because I seldom drink lately, and that means I will begin to be stupid(er) after only a couple of drinks. But I won't pass out after two drinks like Canucklehead does. (We will have to make Canucklehead ration his drinks and drink beer only by the shot glass, otherwise he will go silent on us very quickly. His brain is very susceptible to outside influences - that's probably why Debbie has him under her spell.)
I will let you know when the wrestlers are ready. They are already trying to chicken out, I think. So abuse and ridicule from me may be required in that department. Catherine, by the way, will be in charge of drinking games. You will have to do what she says.
Below is a picture of Canucklehead at our last party when we first opened the pub. Mind you, this was after only two beers. (I lie - he had actually had about 27 beers or something like that.) But that reminds me: we want you to encourage your spouse/partner/friend to take pictures of you as the night progresses, so we can put them up here at the pub and humiliate you as much as possible. I especially want closeups of your blank staring eyes. I already have such a picture of Claire (but I am not obsessed with Claire, btw) which is shown at the very bottom of this post, just to show her new friends what she is really like when she is not playing with her Willy and acting all proper.
Pain is good for you. It makes you stronger. How does that go again? "That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger." Frederick Nieche. I don't know. Soubriquet or Descartes would know. That's close enough. Later.
Below is that picture of Claire standing on another planet, that I promised you. I Photoshopped out the drool running down her chin, just for the purposes of decorum. Catherine is also in charge of our pub decorum standards, I have also decided.Note the fixated pupils, like a deer caught in a spotlight by a hunter.
Wait up, how can I organise games /and/ maintain our standards of decorum?ReplyDelete
Unless our standards are very very low, of course. Which I suspect to be the case.
Also, please can you remove that photo of the bloke vomiting because it nearly triggered my own gag reflex, and almost put me off a) reading the rest of the post and b) coming to the party.
Count me in. Given my natural ability to humiliate myself, this should be easy and fun. And no smoothies, even better.ReplyDelete
Catherine, yes of course I will remove the pic. Done.ReplyDelete
And you are right- our standards of decorum will be very easy for you to enforce. They will not interfere with hardly any of our activities. Except, as you have already noted, chundering needs to be done in private.
I will also remove the top picture if you like. Because she is not really drunk. Something else is causing the expression on her face. Can you guess? That may also be outside our standards of decorum. Your call. :)
Nah, her lips are blue. It's a heart attack.ReplyDelete
I'm really only replying to find out the time difference - again. So it's a party for colonials, ex-pats and British insomniacs. Oh well.
Good point A.ReplyDelete
I guess I was just assuming that the Brits would drink their own pubs out of business and leave about midnight and come home and join OUR party and stay up all night, then fall exhausted across their beds with their clothes still on (or off, as the case may be) and start snoring as the sun comes up.
But perhaps I am wrong about the Brits' partying stamina, and we will have to make allowances for their inability to engage in sustained drinking over a long period of time. Any thoughts?
I feel quite certain that the Irish influence on Catherine has surely conditioned her for such a party, but I don't know about the rest of you.
You may consider Petra's technique, as well. Generally, she will party hardy, entertain everyone, then simply pass out in a chair. During the course of the evening we move her from place to place and take pictures. But you may have other thoughts. This may not work for you as well as it does for her. :)
Caroline, of course we will count you in. You are never out. Not ever. But, let me remind you that they sell alcohol in England. (God, I hope!) and you can join our parties even though you are no longer in the U.S. It's just that we have you conditioned to think this is the only place people drink.ReplyDelete
The beer just won't be as good, and you will just have to drink more of it and cool it down yourself. But it can be done. :) :) :)
Also, I'm thinking it will be awkward to be asking Mum to take the pictures, so you will have to solve THAT problem. But you can do it, Caroline. :)ReplyDelete
But I will call Mum and ask her if you want me to... :)ReplyDelete
Redbeard, we are counting on you to make a perfect ass of yourself, so don't hold back. I know you can act just as stupid as I if you really try. :)ReplyDelete
How is mum? we had a little falling out so I haven't spoken to her in a couple of days.ReplyDelete
I know I can drink while in the UK, the problem will be not having access at will to the internet.
Caroline, Mum is glum. Because of the little tiff. But she perks up at the thought of the return of her prodigal daughter.ReplyDelete
Bummer on the internet. Take the company's laptop of at least Blackberry. Tell them you need to do research for British Nike use. They'll let you. They would let you anyway.
Or do you mean there isn't any wireless wafting around in your little town?
Thank you for removing the picture, Max.ReplyDelete
And I was a helluva partyer even before I moved to Ireland! (Comes of a dissolute youth and studenthood.) Plus I'm a late-night person when I don't have to work the next day, so I'm quite happy to sit up and keep you all company till silly o'clock.
Its not so much that i don't have physical access, its more about time, I am going back to visit family and friends, that I only see once a year.ReplyDelete
Oh. I get it. Finally.ReplyDelete
None of your friends or family drink, plus you are ashamed of us. You should have said so right away.
Oddly -- and you know this, because I am teasing you right now -- I really do understand your unusually oblique BritishSpeak. I find it charming. But for those who don't, let me translate:
"Caroline is going home to England soon, to visit friends and family she rarely sees. Because she will be spending most of her time with them, and rightly so, it will be highly unlikely that she will be able attend our pub party if we change the date."
How'm I doin'? Close? :)
Catherine, tell me something of your dissolute studenthood.ReplyDelete
And you never told me what I was not having for lunch.
Silly o'clock. I like that.
And you didn't have chicken casseroled with chorizo, red pepper, mushrooms, red onions and rosemary, served with rice. I did though.
Silly o'clock is during the wee small hours of the morning - when you stay up late. If you get up at that time, it's stupid o'clock. Or even insane o'clock, if it's early enough.
I'd be the designated laughing person, if I was to be here. It's hard to lift up 200 some pounds of husband off this chair on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays.ReplyDelete
I say why not make a party day? With folks in different time zones and whatnot, I understand it would be hard to schedule a one day type thing.
If anything I'm looking forward to reading through the chatter and trying not to laugh the tea right outta my nostrils. By the way I missed the puking person, darnit!
yea, I can just see my sons photographing my slow demise and then hubby posting them in the post office.ReplyDelete
But, I can attend whenever, as long as my pencils and pens are organized and my NEW shoes put safely away.
Hey Chica. I may need to call on you to help plan this thing. There are more problems bout time zones than I can happen. We can't party at different times, can we? That wouldn't be any fun, would it? We have to be able to chat live and make the drunk Brits type into the chat box without any preparation. Prepared comments will be fun, too, but mostly if we can answer each other right away. Am I jumping into this thing with too little preparation? I wanted to do it before Caroline left, and means this weekend. Perhaps we can just have a drinking a music party and have the jello wrestlers next time. What good is a pub if we can't have a party every single Saturday night anyway? Maybe we should at least plan on giving Caroline some sort of send-off party. The Americans can send her off and the Brits can have a welcome home party.ReplyDelete
Debbiee, I see you and I hear you and I am glad you can be here (don't worry about any doggies chewing on your new shoes by the way) but I don't hear any suggestions about time zones. What is the answer? :)
And Debbie, how about a little help proofreading? I can't spell for crap today. Can anyone understand my comments?ReplyDelete
Oh, I forgot. No one is even READING my comments. How silly of me. :)
And right now all the Brits are helping out by going:ReplyDelete
Thanks a lot.
You can't spell for crap today... what do you mean today... you couldn't spell yesterday either.ReplyDelete
You have next weekend before I leave silly... That's what I was saying, next weeekend works great, as in not this weekend but the weekend after. I can't make it this weekend I told you that.ReplyDelete
August 9th would be perfect...
jeez if only you paid attention to what i say :)
Well at least we have our stand-up comic. Har Har Har. Until the third round, then we have our sit down comic.ReplyDelete
Caroline, of all the people in the world to talk about spelling.
This is all for you, you know. Try to be nice. :)
Oh. Ok. I get it. That's cool then. So the party is NEXT Saturday night, and the title of thee post is NOT a big lie.ReplyDelete
Good. That gives me time to get the wrestlers and the smooth & hairy boy strippers lined up.
And it gives Catherine time to come up with some drinking games. But YOU know some games to, right? (I mean drinking games.)
No pool, no darts.
hey, I never said I could spell myself... actually I think its more my inability to type than it is my spelling. And just because I put u's in things and use s's instead of z's doesn't mean I can't spell.ReplyDelete
so there :)ReplyDelete
I know lots of drinking games... drink while you think is always a good time.ReplyDelete
So whats happening then? I couldn't be arsed reading the comments.ReplyDelete
Claire - August 9th now. Waiting on the faces of the jello ladies. And we ALL know who I am talking about. If you want to get drunk here, take another Ninja. Just pretend someone just slugged you in the gut this time. :)ReplyDelete
@ Claire - and thank you for not reading the comments. I am off the hook on my forfeit. You won and you didn't even know it. Too late now. :)ReplyDelete
You worry to much, btw.. where are the pics I need eh? Get them to me man. :)ReplyDelete
I'm trying, Chica. Help me out with Claire. She keeps putting me off. I can handle Petra.ReplyDelete
I've decided I'm not going to organise drinking games or maintain decorum or run the pub kitchen (as Max has suggested elsewhere) till my photo joins the rest of the regulars. I feel left out and ignored and unwanted. (Are you listening, Max?)ReplyDelete
Catherine. Sigh. Double sigh.ReplyDelete
You are one of my few friends on BlogCatalog. Would you please go check your email there? And every other email places you have? I have been hounding you. Honest I have. I want you. On the wall. C'mon. It won't take much time. Work with me here. :) :)
I mean, I know you checked it about the food. But go further down. It has been a couple of days. K?ReplyDelete
Today is my Friday, no clients tomorrow, just getting my hair straightened, so, I am practicing for the party tonight. Glass one going down smooth and easy.ReplyDelete
A lovely Cabernet, Eponymous 2000
A deep red color a bit lighter in the mouth than you'd expect, with a medium to full body and looong legs. Dark berries, chocolate, light spices and smokey wood flavor with a moderate finish
Debbie, You don't need a whole week's practice. After you check out the title of this post, please remember that several of us need practice (or want to practice) too, and we will be showing up this week right along with you. You will definitely not be alone. All of us will then be in tip top shape for next week. The Brits won't stand a chance. They will look foolishly sober next Saturday. And why not party every weekend anyway? Life's short. You might get hit by a drunk driver on the way home tonight. Drink while you can, I say.ReplyDelete
opened up a 2001 Worthy Cab, only 4 years early, so it is a bit tanic, but after the first bottle, I'm not sure we care!!!!!ReplyDelete
You don't need a whole week's practice.
practice makes perfect, or at least it perfects the moment!
And why not party every weekend anyway? Life's short.
I agree, except the part about short, I am not short!
giggling at myself now....
Debbie-Apparently you do need practice after all if you are already giggling after only opening the first bottle. We need staying power Deb. The Americans are good in the short haul, but the Brits can hunker down and drink steadily for days at a time. Make that your goal. No giggles until you've killed at least 2 bottles of wine. I know you can do this.ReplyDelete
Catherine, let me save you the trouble of searching for those emails I sent you.ReplyDelete
1. I want very much for you to become a pub regular. I have been trying to write to you about it.
2. To do this I need you to take a picture for the wall. 220wide. Of you drinking if you have the guts, A regular face shot if not. Or anything else, actually.
3. Let me start over: I need a picture to post on the wall. I want you drinking if possible. Just get that fabulous man to take pictures of you.
Hint: if you start drinking right now, this picture taking business will get easier and easier.
Apparently you do need practice after all if you are already giggling after only opening the first bottleReplyDelete
my FRIENDS know I giggle...it has always been the source of my troubles, I giggle inappropriateley
We need staying power Deb.
We??? still talking drinking here maxie?
Well, I just mean that all of us (Americans) will need to develop staying power if we hope to subdue the naturally arrogant and hard-drinking Brits.ReplyDelete
What did you think I meant?
I am not sure it is possible to giggle inappropriately. I think it is probably just nerves - anticipation at what is likely to happen that night.
"Well, I just mean that all of us (Americans) will need to develop staying power if we hope to subdue the Brits."ReplyDelete
I thought you meant to seduce them...
"I am not sure it is possible to giggle inappropriately"
please tell Mumsy that, she would disagree, possibly because she has never felt I was dignified enough
I think it is probably just nerves"
I have been called nervy
"anticipation at what is likely to happen that night."
wow - i read all the comments and still have not a clue as to what is going on - why do i bother?ReplyDelete
Canuck - I can't believe you have been coming around so long and are still looking for a purpose to this blog. Give it up, dude. :)ReplyDelete
Is it odd that I do know what is going on?ReplyDelete
No Caroline. Not at all. You've always seemed to have sort of a sixth sense about parties, and when they are about to happen. Personally, I can't wait to see you drunk on your arse. Fun indeed. :)ReplyDelete
Heres' your test for today. Say the following three words in succession. Out loud, of course. Report your progress throughout the day. They are the hardest three words to say together in the English language. Did you know that?
Sixth sick shiek.
If you feel up to it, you may add the words "sheep" and "sleep" in there somewhere.
C'mon. You can do it. But not on the night of the 9th, I'll bet. :)
No, that wasn't a drinking game. My drinking games will involve considerably fewer clothes than they require at your workplace...ReplyDelete
ssssh max. I can't even get close to saying all that sober.ReplyDelete
my darling Canucklehead,ReplyDelete
drink and stop trying to use your pretty little head for things so bothersome as thinking!
you are able to understand as you have a wisdom about you beyond your drinks! ;)