Monday, August 29, 2011

Beware of the big bad wolf, little Red

Some girls, you just can't tell them. Why do they always have to find out for themselves?

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Areas of potential exposure

Your governments (all of them, it turns out) care about you very much and want to protect you. Please write to your legislators on all levels and ask that they pass laws banning things that might hurt iq-challenged citizens. Thank you.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Slapping Robot

A man buys a lie detector robot which slaps people who lie. He decides to test it out at dinner with his family.

Dad: Son, where were you today during school hours?

Son: At school. [robot slaps son}

Son: Ok, I lied. I went to see a movie.

Dad: Which movie?

Son: Toy Story. [robot slaps son]

Son: Ok! It was porn!

Dad: What??? When I was your age, I didn't even know what porn was! [robot slaps dad]

Mom: Forgive him, dear. After all, he is your son. [robot slaps mom]

Monday, August 22, 2011

Returning to writing intimacy

Is poetry your thing? Have you been feeling uninspired lately? Try this writing trick:

Get back to basics by writing in longhand in a composition book, using a fine old pen.

Don't let the computer keyboard separate you from the deep intimacy you often need to feel when writing poetry. Your own hand can often bring you closer to that special intimacy again.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

A shadow box

Can anyone identify anything else?

I think I see some sort of red chile peppers, bulgar, dehydrated mushrooms, hazelnut chunks, an old baseball trading card, lentals, a bit of green meat, Walmart spaghetti sauce mix, two small fossils and a 1971 Christmas cookie. Oh, how I wish the Wise Herb Sage were still here! If you would like to see a smaller picture of this and some obviously wrong guesses, this is the place.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Words of Great and Patriotic Leaders

Quotes from the great and patriotic Tony Blair:

"I can only go one way. I've not got a reverse gear."

"I didn't come into politics to change the Labour Party. I came into politics to change the country."

"It is not an arrogant government that chooses priorities, it's an irresponsible government that fails to choose."

"Power without principle is barren, but principle without power is futile."

"The art of leadership is saying no, not saying yes. It is very easy to say yes."

"Our tolerance is part of what makes Britain Britain. So conform to it, or don't come here."

(When asked by a member of Parliament why he believed so much in America)
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in... and how many want out."

Friday, August 12, 2011

Speaking of Cornwall. And of being offensively judgmental, for that matter...

I used to love to dream of someday experiencing the presumably exquisite mouthwatering buttery taste of a Cornish pasty, but the newly-acquired knowledge of a particular variety of dough-covered pie (gleefully induced into my unsuspecting brain by a certain follower of this blog) has now thrown me off that feed. I may just try that tar bread instead.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Mystery Girl

Does anyone know what this is and where this is?

Bet you don't.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Worshiping WITH Idols

(Actually, Max won't.)

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Mortals (not morals)

Here are some random life spans of various earth-dwelling creatures/plants (assuming they die of old age and not disease):

Mouse - 2 years
Human - 85 years
Lobsters - 100 years
Bow head whale - 200 years
Freshwater pearl mussel - 210 years
Giant tortoise - 255 years
Ocean quahog - 400 years
Deep sea oyster - 500 years
Quaking aspen - 80,000 years
Jellyfish - Immortal

(Just in case you were getting cocky about our increasing life span)