Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Mortals (not morals)


Here are some random life spans of various earth-dwelling creatures/plants (assuming they die of old age and not disease):

Mouse - 2 years
Human - 85 years
Lobsters - 100 years
Bow head whale - 200 years
Freshwater pearl mussel - 210 years
Giant tortoise - 255 years
Ocean quahog - 400 years
Deep sea oyster - 500 years
Quaking aspen - 80,000 years
Jellyfish - Immortal

(Just in case you were getting cocky about our increasing life span)
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20 comments:

  1. AdullamiteAugust 2, 2011 at 3:03 AM

    If these creatures last that long why could humans not do the same. Early bible folks did, why not now?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Relax MaxAugust 2, 2011 at 10:29 AM

    Well, humans CAN live that long. I explain that part over on my pay blog.

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  3. A.August 2, 2011 at 2:59 PM

    I bet those oysters are as tough as old boots.

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  4. Relax MaxAugust 5, 2011 at 12:11 PM

    You've been eating 500 year old creatures again. For shame. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. A.August 5, 2011 at 12:14 PM

    I'm so sorry. Would it be better to eat them when they're babies?

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  6. Relax MaxAugust 5, 2011 at 12:30 PM

    Anything that lives 500 years is a baby for a long time. 300 is only a teen. Don't be eating babies OR teens. Go for the boots. :)

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  7. Relax MaxAugust 5, 2011 at 12:31 PM

    Can you imagine the size of the pearl after 500 years? Can you imagine being irritated by grains of sand in your delicates* for 500 years? Can you imagine...

    *wherever oysters make pearls.

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  8. Relax MaxAugust 5, 2011 at 12:32 PM

    Do old deep sea oysters have 500 year old muscles?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Tal E WackerAugust 5, 2011 at 12:43 PM

    Just clam up, Max.

    ReplyDelete
  10. A.August 5, 2011 at 12:50 PM

    *wherever oysters make pearls.

    In the cockles of their hearts.

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  11. A.August 5, 2011 at 12:52 PM

    But at that age it's hard to winkle them out.

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  12. A.August 5, 2011 at 12:55 PM

    Just a load of old barnacles really.

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  13. Relax MaxAugust 5, 2011 at 1:00 PM

    Cackles and muscles
    Alive, alive-O

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  14. Relax MaxAugust 5, 2011 at 1:02 PM

    A pair of irons could. Maybe not regular winkles.

    I don't want to do this. Please stop now.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Relax MaxAugust 5, 2011 at 1:04 PM

    Girls only, softly and sweetly: "Who's that knooooocking at my door? Who's that knoooooking at my door? Who's that knooooooking at my door, cried the fair young maiden.

    Boys, gruffly and loudly: "IT'S ME IT'S ME, I'M HOME FROM THE SEE, I'M BARNACLE BILL THE SAILOR! IT'S ME IT'S ME, SO GO CLIMB A TREE, SAID BARNACLE BILL THE SAILOR!"

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  16. A.August 5, 2011 at 1:13 PM

    I'll stop. I don't care. I've haddock about enough of this. Cod you stop too?

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  17. A.August 5, 2011 at 1:15 PM

    Just mullet over.

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  18. Relax MaxAugust 5, 2011 at 1:15 PM

    Typhoon! Typhoon!
    It killed 55 people in London...!
    You better go down below, miss.
    - She's awake. She sees. - She don't see.
    As long as she ate the mouse, she can't see nor hear. Now sing.
    —Rosemary's Baby

    ReplyDelete
  19. Tanisha's PlaceAugust 5, 2011 at 1:23 PM

    No need to get crabby about it.

    Eejits.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Sheila @ A Postcard a DayAugust 5, 2011 at 2:01 PM

    He keeps trying to bass everyone around.

    ReplyDelete

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