Happy Birthday Sage!

You're invited to a party. Right here at the Slap & Tickle. So, if you're reading this, you're already at the party! Yay!

Today is Sage's birthday. Actually, today is the day AFTER Sage's birthday, but we can still throw a party right?

Sage has a beautiful new house and two gorgeous dogs (Max has a thing for dogs, except these are a bit larger than Max) named Murphy and Jasper. Sage is one year and one day better today than she was last year. COOL!

All together now:

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear Say-ay-ge

Happy birthday to you!

Now blow out the candles. :)

I've already started eating the ice cream. Rocky Road. Yum!

"Outrage": My first dime novel

The combat was fierce now. Mabel decided she wouldn't be able to deal with it by herself after all, and ran to fetch the marshal.

Ben was below, at a disadvantage, but he was a gamer. Grabbing a handful of Asa's hair in one hand and twisting his ear with the other, he uttered a stream of constant obscenities while all the time grunting and blowing his garlic breath in Asa's sweaty face.

Asa held his own, still trying to hypnotize Ben, but having little effect. Dizzy now from holding his breath against the garlic onslaught, Asa was about lose consciousness and tumble down the stairs, and he knew it.

Ben hooked one leg around Asa's in an effort to hasten the tumble. He grinned inwardly in satisfaction as he heard Asa's knee crack.

"CODSWALLUP!" cried Asa as he let go of his breath and the garlic fumes filled his lungs. Eyes watering profusely now, face flushed, the room spinning, Asa left off his mesmerizing and began to hawk up great clots of garlic-tainted phlem to project into Ben's livid and leering face. It was his only defense now. Making sounds like a cat with a furball, Asa met with success and let fly.

"RASCAL!" "DISHONORABLE TWADDLE!" Ben screamed the invectives, as the vile effluent stung his eyes. "MOLLYCODDLE!" "GOATLOVER!"

The marshal burst into the door and took the stairs two at a time, landing the butt of his drawn pistol solidly into Ben's right kidney. Ben's body went limp and he dropped like a bag of rocks at the marshal's feet.

"Sweet Lord Jesus! Mama come get your baby boy!" Ben implored as he writhed in agony.

With Ben out of the way, Asa tumbled forward in a dead faint.

As Asa tumbled down the stairs past his feet, rolling over the groaning Ben, the marshal shot him in the back at close range. Asa's body stiffened and his coat caught on fire from the close range blast of the marshal's .44.

"Freeze," the marshal barked at Asa.

Miss Mabel had returned and saw the whole thing. "I think you're supposed to say freeze before you shoot, Marshal," she opined.

"I'm new to this job," he shrugged. "I'll remember next time."

Suddenly Ben moaned and began to come to.

"BLAM," said the marshal's .44.

"Damn," said the marshal.

Miss Mabel rolled her eyes and shook her head in exasperation.

(to be continued)

Fun Odd facts you may want to write down and carry around with you

1. Prince Edward Island is the 104th largest island in the world.

2. Nova Scotia means "New Scotia."

3. Halifax is where the floatees remains of the Titanic victims **that were recovered are buried. (**Those that were not recovered are not buried at Halifax.)

4. People who are from Newfoundland pronounce it New FOUND lund. Not NEWfunlund.

5. The French settled the island of Nova Scotia, only they called it Acadia. Actually, the island we now call Nova Scotia was PART of the old Acadia. (If you are ever on a game show and they ask you that question.)

6. The French Acadians departed Acadia right after the British came and kicked them out.

7. Actually, the French Acadians left Acadia during the American Revolution because all the American Loyalists fled America and a heap of them went to Acadia. Only they called it Nova Scotia. (Which, loosely translated, means "Tory Heaven.")

8. So the French Acadians fled south to French Louisiana to live and still be French. However, a few years after the migration, Napoleon sold Lousiana to the new United States out from under them, and so the Acadians were screwed again. They mostly slunk back into the bayous and kept speaking French while the Americans came in and took all the oil and stuff. The Americans couldn't understand the Acadians' speech and thought they said "Cajuns" so they started calling the Acadians that. Then the Acadians gave up and started calling themselves Cajuns, too. They still swear at you in French, though, if you intrude on their fishing waters back in bayou country. Only the French can't understand them anymore, either. It's a long story. Beaucoup and merde are about the only words you can make out anymore. Except for some basic early Anglo-Saxon words mixed in. Sorry this odd fact was so long.

9. As far as I know, there are still no statues of William Tecumseh Sherman in downtown Atlanta.

I'm going to leave this list at 9 because 9 is a lucky number and also because it will piss off the metricheads who think everything should come in units of ten.

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As an added bonus to those loyal readers who actually read down this far, the following is more for you to read if you want to. You will probably have to click on it to make it large enough to read unless you enjoy squinting. Did any of you see the movie "Water Boy" with Adam Sandler? Remember them biting the heads off barbecued baby alligators at the picnic? Anyhow, that's how Cajuns talk, sort of (in that movie.)