"The Golden Cock Spurts Forth Once More"

Relax Max awarded prestigious Golden Cock Award

Guest post by Tanisha Watkins

London, 5th August, 1857

There is probably no larger award, nor one more coveted in the world of pornographic writing than the Golden Cock Award — which is presented only to a select deserving few by the inestimable Lord Likely, Aristocratic Adventurer and Gentle-man of Action.

Today His Lordship bestowed this unimaginable honor on one of the minor contributors to this humble blog, one Relax Max. Mr. Max was known in Victorian times as "Lord Max de Relax, lord of Britishspeak".

The award was presented to 11 very talented and well-known bloggers, one tenacious groupie, and, of course to Relax Max. Mr. Max attended the awards ceremony personally yesterday, time-traveling  to Victorian London with three of his fellow award-winning bloggers, Dame Ettarose from The Edge of Sanity, Lady Linda de Mouseski from Are We There Yet?, and Sir Canucklehead, an obscure minor blogger from Ontario, blogging as Canucklehead.

There were tears in the eyes of many in the audience as Relax Max, dressed in resplendent 1850s formal attire, crossed the stage and, bowing respectfully in the awesome presence of Lord Likely himself, accepted his award. His Lordship smiled at his apt pupil fondly as he handed him the Golden Cock (modeled, of course on Lord Palmerston itself) and read the citation to accompany the award: "To Lord Max de Relax of Britishspeak, for his sterling work in attempting to bring together Great Britain and the Quite Good United States of America, his fine guest-writings and for running an excellent little pub called the Slap and Tickle. Bravo."

The applause was deafening, continuing on for some 8 or 10 minutes, all in attendance on their feet and cheering as well. Mr. Max was visibly moved, although his eyes remained steadily fixed on the young lady holding the trophy to be presented.

Mr. Max's words of acceptance were appropriately brief as he took his new cock in hand:

"Well, what a fine surprise, milord! I shall display this upstanding award with pride at the Slap & Tickle Pub, in the trophy case alongside the larger casting of my own dangly bits. Thank you! Thank you!

"Happily, I arrived early, and was pleased to see the wide smile and exclamations of joy of my friend Lady Linda de Mouseski as I watched her happily receive her cock.

"But I missed my always-helpful friend Dame Ettarose from The Edge of Sanity getting her cock. Dame Ettarose had informed me the night before that she would be more than happy to cum here, and to take both cocks if I wanted, but in the end I was happy to handle my own in person.

"I also was quite eager to see how Sir Canucklehead of Canada would accept the big golden cock, but sadly was disabused of that lasting mental image as well.

"Hooray! I now rise up and congratulate my fellow winners. For my own Part, I am relieved that the tension has finally reached its inevitable climax; truly I runneth over m'lord."

The giant Golden Cock, only slightly smaller than the model of Mr. Max's own, will be placed next to it in the display case near the entrance of the Slap & Tickle, so that regulars may honor it as they cum in the pub.

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[A special note to the followers of these blogs: It has been decided to reassign our colleague Tanisha Watkins, rather than execute her. Rather than continuing as a personal stealth agent for the webmaster, she will instead be assigned writing duties. As is evident from this, her first post, she has much to learn about writing, not to mention choice of subject material. But we will put her in training as she seems to have at least some writing potential.]