Saturday, January 28, 2012

Advanced techniques: when you are in a hurry


From Chapter 12 of "The Scotsman's Pocket Guide to Surefire Seduction":

...then ask the blonde, "Does this rag smell like chloroform?"

Friday, January 27, 2012

How about now?

Photobucket

He brought that camel to a screeching halt
At the rear of Fatima's tent, jumped off Clyde,
Snuck around the corner and into the tent he went
There he saw Fatima laying on a Zebra skin rug
Wearing rings on her fingers and bells on her toes
And a bone in her nose ho, ho.

There she was friends lying there in all her radiant beauty.
Eating on a raisin, grape, apricot, pomegranate,
bowl of chitterlings, two bananas, three Hershey bars,
sipping on a "R C" Co-Cola listening to her transistor,
watching the Grand Ole Opry on the tube reading the
Mad magazine while she sung,
"Does your chewing gum lose it's flavor?" and Ahab
walked up to her and he said,

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Fatima I think I love you


Does anyone besides me and Adullamite collect pictures of old-time cigarette packs? This one is strangely erotic, no?

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Nanny states

The three ambassadors were drinking together at the local pub. Each was trying to outdo the rest in bragging about how socialistic their countries had become.

"In the UK, the government takes care of you from the cradle to the grave," says the Limey ambassador.

The ambassador from the USA won't be outdone. "In America, the government takes care of you from the womb to the tomb. You don't have to be born yet."

"Pah!" says the froggie ambassador, "In France we take care of you from erection to resurrection!"

Can't beat that.

Don't even try.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Towards a more colorful constitution: parts you may have missed


Article 1, Section 3.5

"The Senate shall abuse their other officers in the absence of the Vice President and shall exercise in the office of the President of the United States."

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Headlines


Headlines of stories I mostly didn't read today:

• 6% of U.S. Adults Suffer Serious Mental Disorders

• Man Charged with Stealing $9.5 Million of Computer Code

• Billionaire Pays to Fix Washington Monument

• Al Qeada Magazine Found in Gitmo

• More Body Parts Found Near Hollywood Sign

• Chinese Bloggers Mock U.S.' SOPA Outrage: "Hell, the government blacked it all out here years ago. In the U.S. if you steal online, they threaten to shut down the website. Here they shoot you and your family in the head. You wouldn't last ten minutes behind the 'Great Firewall that is China' "

Amen
---------

The Great Firewall was originally touted as a way to block piracy and porn. Now ALL undesired thoughts bounce off it.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Resolutions


1. I resolve to make a list of new years resolutions. a

2. I resolve to now check off the first item on my list. a

3. I resolve to realize (and rejoice) that I've already accomplished two things on my list! a

4. I resolve to reward myself with hot chocolate and then a nap. In progress at this moment.