Pictured: Ceramist Francisco Figueiredo opens a casting mould of a phallus in his workshop in Chao de Parada, central Portugal June 26, 2008. Husband and wife Francisco and Cassilda Figueiredo are among the last exponents of a traditional Portuguese handicraft -- making ornamental ceramic penises. For more than three decades, the couple have carefully shaped thousands of ceramic male organs, moulding them into upright shapes and painting them in life-like colours for export to Germany, France and North America.
"Mr. Figueriedo, what, exactly, do you do for a living?"
"I make-a the deeks."
"Thats-a right, here we make-a the beeg deeks."
"And Mrs. Figueriedo? Do you help your husband?"
"Thats-a right. I help-a Frankie make-a all the beeg deeks."
"Is the competition particularly stiff?"
"Steef? HaHa You make-a joke! Steef competition! No. No steef. Nobody else make-a the beeg ceramic deeks. Just-a Frankie and-a Cassie here."
"Your-a welcome. By the way, we are-a Portuguese. Why-a you have us talk-a like Italiano?"
"Now don't get cocky, you little peckerhead."
Historical trivia: Lord Likely was reported to have purchased three of the ceramic willies from Frankie's great-grandfather, for display at his london estate.