Friday, April 29, 2011

Finally, the wedding is here

I wasn't sure whether to wear my morning jacket or my uniform. Decisions, decisions.

The big day has finally arrived. I want to take this last opportunity to chastise all of you who pretended not to care, who pretended to be above it all; all of you who blogged so cynically, and some of you who thought not blogging at all about the wedding would prove you were unconcerned.

You know who you are.

As for me, the sight of the tent people camping out on the sidewalk outside Westminster Abbey, the excitement of the souvenir coffee mug vendors, the thought of catching a glimpse of the awesome carriages, or of the royal couple, or... of Sir Elton John himself, for that matter, sends chills up my quadruped spine, and I don't mind admitting it.

I have learned so much these past few weeks. Not just how to curtsey, but of the hidden value of the monarchy itself, value many of you scoffroyals will never understand. But I, A LOWLY AMERICAN, have grasped the significance of this event and of the long grey line of the succession. If I may say.

So, His Princeliness is marrying a commoner. Never been done before, they say. Marrying out of his own class, they say. Out of his own class? Hell, some say his father recently married out of his own species, fer crissakes. But Kate's a thoroughbred, make no mistake, laddie.

I pray you will come to your collective senses before it is too late.

And to the newlyweds, I say cheers. Godspeed. May you live a hundred years and my you reign a hundred more.

And may I live to see your successor.


  1. I write minutes after the marriage bit is over. The anthem is being sung, the masses wait outside and my lunch I was cooking is burning. Do I watch the next bit (the cars were fab) or do I continue cooking? Decisions decisions.
    The fawning commentators really produce bile mind you!

  2. Cool. I actually did sleep through it. That's the kind of wedding I like.

  3. ok, the frickin chiwee is AWESOME but then I am partial as I have one. And what wedding?? There was a wedding? ooohhhh you mean that rich kid and the chick he gave his dead mom's ring to.... yeh. That was cool. But my sleep is too important to interrupt so needless to say if it wasn't for the internet ... or YOU... I'd see none of it.... tsktsk... glad to see you are still hangin' tough Dude. Miss the banter. Life is too demanding these days....

  4. @Adullamite - The cars were magnificent. The princi both rode in the back of a Bentley. Is that a sign the future king identifies with the common masses?

    A pity about your burned dinner. You didn't miss the double balcony kiss, I hope.

    @Stephanie Barr - I was hoping the wedding would melt continuously into our last shuttle launch, but it was not to be. Still not to be as of this writing.

    @Petra - There was a time you had two. Still, one is better than none. Don't blame me for the wedding. :) Or the too-demanding life, for that matter. Good to see you again.


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