The following post was blatantly stolen from little b's blog while she slept last night. She seldom comes by the pub, if ever, so I am pretty safe, I think. Knowing little b, she undoubtedly stole it from someone else anyway. I think it's funny.
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you’re choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you’ll be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - Q-20 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the Q-20. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
9. If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.
Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.
[Note: If #7 isn't funny, you are obviously an American. Substitute WD-40 for Q-20 and it will become funny to you.]