Dead but still funny

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

—Buddy Hackett

Losing an old friend

In other news, the French government has been quietly dismantling the Eiffel Tower to make room for the staging for a Lady Ga Ga concert.

When interviewed, young fans were not sure why the tower was there in the first place.

If I had only known...

... how hard it was going to be to teach a pet honeybee how to walk upright, I would never have begun the task in the first place. Now that I am finally ready to reap my financial reward, I find out her life-span is 4 months, and it took 3 to train her.

Ah, Molly, I hardly knew ye. On the bright side, I don't have to spring for a Christmas present.

Solving problems

When I am working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I am finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

—Buckminster Fuller

Napkin Notes