tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3747947508769983768.post4687006218661750984..comments2023-06-05T23:52:59.018-06:00Comments on The Slap & Tickle: Really bad pub jokes: an invitationRelax Maxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01051381168322495999noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3747947508769983768.post-72258100288820156422008-10-04T17:39:00.000-06:002008-10-04T17:39:00.000-06:00Two Aussie builders (Phil and Eric) are seated eit...Two Aussie builders (Phil and Eric) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.<BR/><BR/>Phil: - I reckon he's an accountant.<BR/><BR/>Eric: - No way - he's a stockbroker.<BR/><BR/>Phil: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!<BR/><BR/>The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the<BR/>better of Phil and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that<BR/>the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the<BR/>better of the builder.<BR/><BR/>Phil: - 'Scuse me.. No offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what<BR/>you do for a living?<BR/><BR/>Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.<BR/><BR/>Phil: - Oh! What's that then?<BR/><BR/>Suit: - I'll try to explain by example... Do you have a goldfish at home?<BR/><BR/>Phil: - Er... Mmm . Well yeah, I do as it happens!<BR/><BR/>Suit: - Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond.<BR/>Which is it?<BR/><BR/>Phil: - It's in a pond!<BR/><BR/>Suit: - Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden<BR/><BR/>Phil: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!<BR/><BR/>Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large<BR/>garden then you have a large house?<BR/><BR/>Phil: - As it happens I've got a five-bedroom house...built it myself!<BR/><BR/>Suit: - Well given that you've built a five-bedroom house it is logical to<BR/>assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite<BR/>probably married?<BR/><BR/>Phil: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children.<BR/><BR/>Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with<BR/>your wife on a regular basis?<BR/><BR/>Phil:- Yep! Four nights a week!<BR/><BR/>Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very<BR/>often?<BR/><BR/>Phil: - Me? Never.<BR/><BR/>Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!<BR/><BR/>Phil: - How's that then?<BR/><BR/>Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your<BR/>sex life!<BR/><BR/>Phil: - I see! That's pretty impressive...thanks mate!<BR/><BR/>Both leave the toilet and Phil returns to his mate.<BR/><BR/>Eric: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?<BR/><BR/>Phil: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!<BR/><BR/>Eric: - What's that then?<BR/><BR/>Phil: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?<BR/><BR/>Eric: - Nope.<BR/><BR/>Phil: - Well then, you're a wanker..CharmaineZoehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03631263319323092781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3747947508769983768.post-532036672629569592008-09-04T01:09:00.000-06:002008-09-04T01:09:00.000-06:00Lord, I must admit that is the first time I have h...Lord, I must admit that is the first time I have heard Shakespeare worked into a pub joke. And it really sucked. Nice try milord. Thanks for tottering by. Put some pants on, eh?Relax Maxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01051381168322495999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3747947508769983768.post-35679896096307466992008-08-29T21:30:00.000-06:002008-08-29T21:30:00.000-06:00My favourite pub-related joke is as follows:Willai...My favourite pub-related joke is as follows:<BR/><BR/>Willaim Shakespeare walks into a pub.<BR/><BR/>"Get out," says the landlord. "You're bard!"<BR/><BR/>Ah-hahaha!<BR/><BR/>Bottoms up!Fantonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06957634246020154160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3747947508769983768.post-3146656381752817322008-08-28T09:55:00.000-06:002008-08-28T09:55:00.000-06:00Found the problem. Browser preferences. I swear I ...Found the problem. Browser preferences. I swear I never changed it. I swear.Relax Maxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01051381168322495999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3747947508769983768.post-47609525180321038302008-08-28T09:33:00.000-06:002008-08-28T09:33:00.000-06:00The font on my comments is so small I can barely r...The font on my comments is so small I can barely read the comments. This started yesterday. And it is on all my blogs and on all blogspot blogs I have visited, including yours, a. Obviously something has happened in my general blogspot preference somewhere. But since it is happening for all blogs, I am at a loss. Help!<BR/>This comment I am writing right now looks perfectly good as long as it is in the comment prep field, but as soon as i post it, it gets all tiney. Crap.Relax Maxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01051381168322495999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3747947508769983768.post-45461350357279936912008-08-28T09:24:00.000-06:002008-08-28T09:24:00.000-06:00The comment font looks perfectly fine to me.Two bl...The comment font looks perfectly fine to me.<BR/><BR/>Two blondes were sitting in a pub talking. One says to the other, "Which do you suppose is further away, the moon or China?"<BR/>The other turns around and say, "Helllooooooo.... can you see China?"<BR/><BR/>Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bastard!" <BR/><BR/>Tom and Dick are comparing notes on their summer holiday.<BR/>"I was staying in a Pub in Poole," says Tom.<BR/>"In Dorset?" asks Dick<BR/>"Certainly," says Tom. "I'd recommend it to anyone."A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/04709794851766685322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3747947508769983768.post-12593027351863547272008-08-28T08:52:00.000-06:002008-08-28T08:52:00.000-06:00Petra, you had better not be driving home, that's ...Petra, you had better not be driving home, that's all I can say. :)<BR/><BR/>Chica, Chica, Chica, Chica.. I would never do that. Wait on you I mean. :) <BR/><BR/>How come the comment font got so small all of a sudden? Is yours like that too, Chica? How do I make it bigger again?<BR/><BR/>a., Just stop it. I know I asked for it. But just stop it. No. Don't stop it. :)Relax Maxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01051381168322495999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3747947508769983768.post-68800574675795698922008-08-28T08:47:00.000-06:002008-08-28T08:47:00.000-06:00A brain went into a pub and says, "Pint of lager, ...A brain went into a pub and says, "Pint of lager, please."<BR/>"Sorry mate, you're already out of your head," the barman replies.<BR/><BR/>A sandwich goes into a pub, walks up to the barman, and says, "Pint of lager please."<BR/>"Sorry mate," says the barman, "we don't serve food in here."<BR/><BR/>Two drunks are walking along the road in London. One turns to the<BR/>other and slurs, "Is this Wembley?"<BR/>"No, it's Thursday."<BR/>"So am I! Let's go for a drink."<BR/><BR/>You'll regret this Max.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/04709794851766685322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3747947508769983768.post-37329813261457180992008-08-27T21:52:00.000-06:002008-08-27T21:52:00.000-06:00One Chica walked into a bar, Barman Max asked what...One Chica walked into a bar, Barman Max asked what she'd have to drink, and Chica replied "Pepesi ont he rocks man" which then Max proceeded to clank actual rocks into a glass and start pouring the pepsi...Kelly Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12968396049579378856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3747947508769983768.post-60999764652406242032008-08-27T20:09:00.000-06:002008-08-27T20:09:00.000-06:00ok - 1. I HATE when I drop dead. It ruins my whole...ok - 1. I HATE when I drop dead. It ruins my whole day.<BR/><BR/>2. how many damned doors do they have in Ireland?<BR/><BR/>3. Huh?<BR/><BR/>Sorry. Drank too much and lost focusPetra ~https://www.blogger.com/profile/10625944918200553821noreply@blogger.com